I know promotional materials frequently lie. Like our elected leaders, that’s part of their charm.

But, unless I’m mistaken, misleading promotional materials are supposed to make the movie appear watchable, right? The marketing for 2005’s House of Wax took a different approach. Instead of a fun, gory, genuinely suspenseful and creative (at least for a studio horror film) spook picture, the crack marketing team at Warner Bros. decided to focus all eyes on Paris Hilton, whose star will forever shine brightest among those in the sky.

It was the right call, he said sarcastically.

Here’s a poem.


Placed over a flame
Wax softens to be reshaped
Heat melds as heat melts

Bonus Haiku:

Siblings once conjoined
Find their bond slowly melting
Dripping with contempt